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Barrett Manor

Julie Barrett is a freelance writer and photographer based in Plano, TX.

The Coronavirus Song

Fresh (almost) daily from Julie Barrett


Yes, this is to the tune of the Major-General's song. With many apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan.

I've shared this on Facebook, but this is where it shall live.

We’re ordering a lot of different elements of medical
Masks and gowns and microscopes to observe the infinitesimal
Syringes, gloves, and alcohol (but not to take internally)
And biohazard gear to guard against viral insurgency

We are hiring scientists to research the virological
To develop new vaccines and treatments pharmacological
We’ll push them with a major promotional advertising blitz
But not until we have a copious supply of testing kits

But not until we have a copious supply of testing kits
But not until we have a copious supply of testing kits
But not until we have a copious supply of testing kits

We’ll share our progress and be ecstatic when we at last present
A vaccine, but we need to clear it first with the vice president
To have the proper tools and toys for e’vry health professional
We’re ordering a lot of different elements of medical

To have the proper tools and toys for e’vry health professional
We’re ordering a lot of different elements of medical

Misinformation we shall do our utterly best to suppress
Unless it comes directly from the secretary of the press
Do not listen to the traitors on news networks like CNN
Our Friends at Fox News Network will support us again and again

Of infectious cases the numbers we report are very low
With hand-drawn Sharpie maps to show how the progression is very slow
We have a hunch it’s not as bad as you see when you keep the score
Of your 401ks as the Dow Jones average hits the floor

Of your 401ks as the Dow Jones average hits the floor
Of your 401ks as the Dow Jones average hits the floor
Of your 401ks as the Dow Jones average hits the floor

If you are young and healthy then you have nothing at all to fear
You’ll find it’s like the flu, a nasty cold, or something quite as near
If you are uninsured and irresponsible then please trust me
You have plenty of other options including a GoFundMe

Just so you know we’re keeping our response the most professional
We’re ordering a lot of different elements of medical

We have an enemy no one thought about a month before
Please pay no attention to those whistleblowers behind the door
Who told you this was coming as long as two months before it all
Blew up in our faces like a match to a spray can of Lysol

So now practice social distancing in groups no larger than ten
Except for the President who surrounds himself with all the men
And women too, for let us not be such sexist pigs at this time
Because we need a human shield around the POTUS all the time

Because we need a human shield around the POTUS all the time
Because we need a human shield around the POTUS all the time
Because we need a human shield around the POTUS all the time

So, use your hand sanitizer as long as you can order some
And don’t forget the TP because you cannot quite abstain from
Using it because you hadn’t the foresight to place an order
For a bidet on Amazon so now you are quite the hoarder.

In case of a shortage of ventilators inaccessible
We’re ordering a lot of different elements of medical


Filed under: Politics   Caronavirus   Parody      
3/16/2020 4:58:46 PM
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