Julie's Web Journal

Frankly, it's been hard. I've alluded to some of my struggles, but haven't really been forthcoming, and I still won't be entirely so. Some of this isn't my story to tell.

A lot of this is my own fault. I took on too much, and then when the things outside of my control hit ... It wasn't a breakdown in the classical sense of the word, and I'm (mostly) okay. This is the result of years of pushing to do things, trying to do the right things, trying to help keep an organization going, and all the attendant misery it all finally caused. In other words, I failed to take time for myself because I didn't want to let other people down. 

I felt like a plate spinner who kept adding plates to the stage. I recruited an apprentice from time to time, but they took one look at the act and ran away. Then I added juggling eggs, just for fun! Eventually, it all came crashing down. The good news is that the plates are sturdy Melamine and they didn't break. The eggs? Not so much. Fortunately, I did have a couple of people pull some eggs out before they all fell, and that assistance is greatly appreciated.

So, what's next? I'm going to stack the virtual plates and poles in a corner and try to get several someones to take them on. It's their turn for the spotlight. (Spotlight? Who am I kidding?) I do not plan to take up those plates again. I have to let go. As far as the eggs are concerned, I'm slowly accumulating more and would like to keep them safely nestled in egg cups.

I know. Those aren't the best metaphors. 

And yet, I am finally healing. I wrote about 15 pages of a script the other day. That's the longest writing spurt I've had in some time. Are they good pages? I dunno. I'm letting them sit for a few days. The point is that I did it! I'm also taking notes in preparation to get back to work on a couple of long-stalled novels. I had to buy some new notebooks, so I suppose that's a good problem to have. It's still hard. I walk into the craft room, look at the mess, shrug my shoulders, and walk out. 

So, there are other things going on. I've alluded to the R-word earlier this year. Paul has put in for retirement on February 1. Hey, more big changes coming, but these are all good! We are going to sit on our rockers, but for just a bit. I think we've earned it. We have Plans. I wish I could say that meant glamourous travel to interesting destinations. Well, maybe on occasion, but not often. As I've said previously, I don't think a creative ever well and truly retires. The main thing is that we'll be doing things (the non-mundane bits of which I will very likely share!), but in most cases there will not be deadlines. This means no spinning plates, no juggling eggs. We plan to be on our own schedule for the most part.

A very cunning plan, indeed!

You know what happens to cunning plans.

In the meantime, Paul has much to do before retirement, and I plan to be there to support him so he can get these things done. I'll be offloading some tasks with a non-profit. There are some I will keep, hence the "for the most part" above. But I don't want to be back to doing "all non-profit, all the time" while Paul is off doing fun things. That's not what this next phase of life is about. 

Stay tuned.

(Comments still aren't working. That's part of the post-retirement plan. In the meantime, go to the entry on my Facebook page to comment.)